The Mayor and his Steelers Santa hat and Val

For those of us who couldn't be at Festivus this year for one reason or another (e.g. you weren't invited, you have young kids, etc.) we'd like to announce their awards here:

- Adam- Most likely to show up at Festivus, steal the mayors hennessey, pick a fight with the hostess, and destroy the front porch award
- Chad- Most likely to hide in his bathroom with his play station on pause instead of answering his front door in attempts to hoard a trifle bowl award
- Dave P.- Most likely to end up on "To Catch a Predator" with Chris Hansen award
- Kid and Play aka Chico- Most improved decorum award
- Michelle- Most likely to call a trailer in the back woods of Connecticut a summer vacation home award (lol WE LOVE YOU GIRL!!)
- Chad- Most likely to call 911 for someone wanting their trifle bowl back award
- Angi- Most likely to take her gifts and run, never to be heard from again award
- Denny- Most resembling the character traits of Scott Peterson award
- Denny- Most likely to murder his wife and then go play golf award
- Kerri- Least likely to support her friend's business and instead support her direct competitor award
- Lozell- Most likely to drive Missa's car to another bar when she's too obliviated to see award
- Bill Coomey- Most likely to murder anyone driving a Mustang up a snowy hill award
- Catman- Most likely to drive an hour to sit in the car outside the party all night long and then leave without so much as a word or a hello award
- B-rad- Most likely to think 241 lbs. at 5'9" is considered "average" body type award

Those of us who were in attendance received the following awards:

- Pat- Most likely to wear a piano key tie award
- Pat tied with Ronnie- Most likely to still sleep on a water bed circa 1989 award
- Cookie- Most likely to wear the loop to a pendant on his chain long after the pendant has fallen off award
- Ronnie- Most likely to own a snow plow yet refuse to remove a friend's snow, even when offered payment award
- Val- Most likely to protest, deny logic and common sense, and refuse to get out of a cadillac at 4am award
- The Mayor- Most likely to jump through a window head first at 4am award
- Stacey- Most likely to never be heard from again once she gets a boyfriend award
- Cookie- Most likely to wear football socks that resemble leg warmers to a bbq in late August award
- Stacey- Most likely to show up at a party after its over at 2am award
- Boo- Most likely to call DSS on your ass award
- Boo- Most likely to support her friend's new business award
- The Mayor- most likely to protest getting a Festivus award award
- Miguel- Most likely to end up sitting in Missa's car til 4am while she has an emotional breakdown award
- Marie- Most likely to win a national spelling bee award
- Marie- Most likely to rape your previously un-raped gift award
- Kenny- Only person on earth to have never been in a fight with Missa award
- Kenny- Most likely candidate to actually end up marrying Missa award
- Dave- Most permanent staple guest at Festivus for years to come (no matter who protests his attendance) award
- Dave- Most inappropriate use of a cell phone while driving a ladies convertible award
- Ben- Most likely to lure unsuspecting victims to Hurricane Betty's award